Clowns banned in Mississippi!

Clowns banned in Santa Clarita Hart District!

Clowns banned by LAUSD!

The nation’s largest school district, Los Angeles Unified, has banned the clown. On this Halloween in the year of 2016, the LAUSD hath banished our grease painted brethren from trick or treating merriment. Citing “a multitude of social media postings and documented instances involving individuals dressed in clown costumes scaring children as well as threats of violent acts by individuals dressed in clown costumes,” LAUSD is banning the clown.

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Tell me you wouldn’t trust this clown with your life

“For the safety of all students, employees, and visitors” states the guideline, “no clown costumes are to be worn on district property.” It goes on to say, “Clown masks may not be worn by individuals. Further, no makeup (including clown makeup) […] may be worn.”

Clown paranoia has reached feverish heights. People were less afraid of terrorism on Halloween in 2001. In fact, even after nearly 3,000 people were horrifically murdered in an atrocious act of terror, our then president told us that we must go out shopping; we must go to Disney World or else the terrorists will have won, and what did we as Americans do? We shopped, we went to Disney World, we bought amusing mouse ear hats, and more then anything else, these actions defeated the rising tide of terror. For truly, Osama bin Laden died the day I bought my Mickey Mouse wristwatch, and not a decade later when Seal Team Six put a bullet in his brain.

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Is this what we’re so afraid of? An hilarious death?

Sadly, now, we are letting the creepy clowns win. No longer can our school children be entertained by the joyous capering of adults in comically over-sized shoes. No more can a honking bozo lure us in to sniff his boutonniere only to squirt us with water to hilarious effect. These are dark days indeed. When the band plays “Send in the Clowns,” what do we do? We cower in pants-wetting dread. Oh, my home of the brave. Oh, my.

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100% Maximum Merriment!

What we must do now as Americans is to be the funny clowns, the silly clowns, the pantomiming and frivolous clowns. We must don our squeaky noses and juggle for the love of freedom. Go to the Halloween Costume store and buy a rainbow colored wig. Get out there and make your purchase of colorful suspenders and droopy drawers. Don’t let a small but vocal minority of evil clowns ruin a wholesome and traditional entertainment. When a society is stripped of its clowns that society beclouds itself, that society becomes the sad clown. This is not who we are. This is not what we will become. We will not negotiate with terrorists in clown suits. Once the clown is banned it is a slippery slope to the mime and to the stand up comedian. Do not let them rob us of our invisible boxes and wry observations concerning airline travel. Do not let them rid us of our liberty. Let Clarabell light freedom’s way.