Review: A Life Once Lost

A Life Once Lost
““Open Your Mouth For the Speechless””
(Loudnet Records)

Deathmetally deathmetal with deathmetal vocals and slow deathmetalic dirgey deathmetal parts contrasted against warp light speed deathmetal fast blasting deathmetal drumming and deathmetal bass chugging for fans of deathmetally deathmetal served up in familiar deathmetal ways.  And just when you think you’re getting too much deathmetal, A Life Once Lost give you a break in the grinding deathmetal action with pretentious non-deathmetal pretty acoustic work.  In my opinion non-deathmetal moments should best be left off deathmetal albums, but far be it from me to set up the rules.  I don’t want to be a deathmetal nazi.  In the realm of deathmetal, I’ve never heard such a deathmetal band as A Life Once Lost who are nothing more than a deathmetal vehicle to showcase the deathmetal guitarist’s technical virtuosity.  But, again, pretense.  Joyless irritating deathmetal.  No hope for one second of happiness in the oppressing deathly deathmetal of the idiotically named deathmetal band, “A Life Once Lost.”
“Pull!” KABLAM-O!  Ha, take that deathmetal loving deathmetal band. Oops, now I can’t listen to the music anymore to finish the review.  But I ask you, if you open your mouth and sound vaguely like a vaccuum cleaner played through a flange, then how the fuck are you ever going to “Open Your Mouth For the Speechless?”  Huh?  How?  Tell me?  And just so you know this masturbatory pretense doesn’’t end with big flaming fag guitar show-off work and a ridiculous, built for ridicule band name, let me tell you that the album’s full title is “Open Your Mouth For the Speechless, In Case of Those Appointed to Die.”  You’ll drown under the title before you even have a chance to suffer through the album.