Review: American Idol: Greatest Moments

Various Artists
“American Idol: Greatest Moments”
(RCA Records)

Greatest Moments from “American Idol”, huh?  Yep, that’s right-this CD is exactly four seconds long.  No, no, I’m just kidding.  “American Idol” contains fifteen tracks sung by the contestants from one of the most popular shows in American television history, which says more about the viewing habits of Americans than it does about the quality of the singing on the program.  Kelly Clarkson (the winner of the contest) contributes four tracks showcasing her oh-so-limited range as she destroys classic Motown recordings like only a white girl from the South possibly could.

Justin, the ugly guy with Sideshow Bob hair, butchers a few more tracks before calling it a day.  The true loser on this album is Janis Joplin, whose “Piece of My Heart” gets a poppy-sweet makeover by the artist formerly known as Niki where Janis’ trademark “WHHOOOA” is replaced by a demure, friendly, “whoo-hoo!”.  I wish I had been on “American Idol”.  Clearly, lack of singing talent wouldn’t have been my problem.  Judging by the photos on the jacket liner, these girls were absolute knockouts and the dudes really didn’t look like they had much going on.  I could have sung “Light My Fire” and I’m sure Paula Abdul would have loved it.  I can only hope FOX buys another season.