Review: Kataklysm

“Shadows & Dust”
(Nuclear Blast)

More of the same from Kataklysm which is incredibly good news for fans of their devastating, heavy handed, infernal pounding racket brand of death metal to the Em-Ay-Triple XXX, baby!  That’s to the MAXXX!  We’re talking super-mega extreme death metal!  Yeah, intense!  Yeah, you won’t believe your ears!  Kataklysm!  Are you man enough?  Get in or get out!  Kataklysm!  Give it a listen… if you dare!  Posers need not apply!  Herculean feats of death metal daring-do await only the brave intrepid souls willing to walk the Kataklysm paths of pain!  With how many “X’s” do you spell eXXXXXXXXXXtreme!  I hope it’s a lot because you’ll need ’em, sugar dumpling.  You’ll need ’em to the maXXXXXXXXimum, motherfucking Kataklismik eXXXtreme eXXXXXXtremities of your bad metal self!  We’re talkin’ metal UNhealth, doll!  Because Kataklysm’s riot is full on.  Ain’t nothin’ quiet ’bout it, babe!  Yeah!  Woo!  Do the KataklysmDO!  It’s totally wicked!  It’s loaded with vitamin K!  You gotta get your think on and think about what you’re missing!  Try Pepsi Blue!  Award your curiosity!  Kataklysm!  Yeah!  I ain’t talkin’ ’bout no Catechism!  We be jammin’ out old school to Kataklysm!  Who are you to resist it, eh?  You filthy stinking bilious pile of puke!  You dung beetle!  You coprophagic panty sniffing sodomite!  Sega!  Sega, Sega, Sega!

Heed my voice of reason!  Listen to Black Sabbath!  Watch The Osbournes!  Buy into it!  Buy into it!  Buy Kataklysm!  Buy it!