Review: Mortician

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Mortician
“Darkest Day of Horror”
(Relapse)

Jeeves walks into the parlor and asks you, “A large heaping of grinding gore-core for you, sir?” If you answer your man servant Jeeves with a big resounding, “Why yes, Jeeves!  I’d love a gargantuan dose of the corpsely grind!” then Mortician is just the right band for you.  They grind; they blast; they sing like Welsh men gargling gravel.

The band consists of two members (or is that dismembers?) one of whom plays bass and performs vocals as the other plays guitar and programs drums.  Uh-oh!  You say you don’t like drum programming?  That nothing can top the organic grace of a real live bloke behind the kit?  Well, sir, I’d have to agree with you, but for the sake of argument I’ll have to say that the drum programming on this grind-core record works out just as good if not better than if they had a human drummer.  My guess is that these two fellas who make up Mortician are either totally unpleasant to work with and can’t find anyone else or they simply enjoy being a two-piece.

The songs themselves are non-technical and straightforward, sometimes slower paced but more often than not it’s a blast-o-rama of faster than thou computer generated beats.  The album is loaded with lots of fun samples that sound like they come from 1980s straight to video schlock-horror fests.  It adds to the good gory atmosphere.  By the way, I just checked out their web site and it looks like they scored a drummer.  So it’s too late for you if you were looking for a cool gig.