Review: Rondellus

“Sabbatum (a medieval tribute to Black Sabbath)”
(The Music Cartel)

As stated above, this album is a medieval tribute to Black Sabbath.  What that means precisely is the album was recorded using only medieval instruments such as the lute, fiddle and harp.  All the songs are sung in latin.  Needless to say, this album is not for metal heads or even really for fans of Black Sabbath.  It’s unique.  It’s good.  It’s music written by Black Sabbath that I can tolerate.

Here we go…

I fucking hate Black Sabbath.  I know that’s not a very good thing for the metal critic at a magazine to write, but it’s the truth.  I can no longer derive any pleasure from their music.  If “Paranoid” comes on the radio I turn the station or better yet, turn the damn thing off.  The over saturation of Ozzy Osbourne and his clan of miserable British twats living it up in Beverley Hills sickens me.  Kelly Osbourne releasing a CD makes me curl up and cry for the sad and depraved state of the record industry that wonders why they’re in a financial slump.  Nepotism can take you a long way, huh bitch?

The Osbournes’ airbrushed, unctuous faces staring at me from the glossy covers of hundreds of news stand magazines is more than I can bear.  The greedy little beady eyes of his wife fill me with unbridled and senseless hate.  Their sickening self-marketing of themselves makes want to shout “whores,” and throw a brick through the television set.

That the man who wrote the lyrics to “War Pigs” can dine with the warmongering, mass-murderer who is leading our nation and the rest of the world straight into the worst times of misery and warfare it has ever known is unforgivable.  Ozzy, you’re a traitor and a slave to your bitch of a wife.  Stay off my TV.  Fuck you, Mr. Osbourne, and your fecal smeared, republican ass-kissing lips.  You’re a disgrace.  Fuck your sorrowful, boo-hoo, Barbara Walters interview Sharon.  When the filthy stinking rich get cancer you won’t find me wasting my tears.  All the Osbournes are so shamelessly self-obsessed that I can’t listen to Black Sabbath anymore without welling up with wrath and thinking about Ozzy’s sperm dripping waddling about on the set of NBC’s Friends.

Believe me, I use to like Black Sabbath.  I never held them in such exulted high regard as many others, but I truly enjoyed their music and now those days are over.  Thanks a lot Sharon you’ve turned your whole family into a bunch of whores including that poor boy who once dreamed of being a rock star in the slums of Birmingham, England.  What a fucking waste.