Review: The Ruiners

The Ruiners
“How’s That Grab Ya?”
(Disaster Records)

Hmmm…do you ever get scared of bands that are supposed to have these legendary live shows?  “Oh, dude,” some duck will say, “Gwar was totally killer last night; can’t wait for their new album.”  But then the duck will be bummed because the studio LP won’t live up to the memories of the giant penis running around on stage.  Such is the case with Detroit’s most dangerous band, The Ruiners.  The Ruiners are known for their live shows which incorporate stuffed-animal tosses, the destruction of small appliances, and of course, the wonderfully slutty Ruinettes, who do the backing vocals.

The Ruiners merge the thrashyness of ’70s Sabbath with some good ol’ garage band racket, producing a sound that really isn’t worthy of mention.  The songs are simplistic and juvenile, poking fun at such mundanities as kids who wear surfer clothes in Detroit and vampires placing classified ads.  Yeah, I’m sure the live show is great, but where’s the beef?  The Ruiners are like the musical equivalent of the comedian Gallagher.  I like watching a sledgehammer obliterate a watermelon as much as the next guy, but the fancy packaging can’t hide the lack of substance.  Now go smash your toaster.