Review: Drunk Drivers

Drunk Drivers
(All Malt Records)

The flagship band of the Midwest label All Malt Records has poured thirteen new hard rock songs (a drunkard’s twelve pack) out to give us all something to take our attention off the road on those bar time drives home.  Let me explain something to you.  I hate nothing more than when people tell me if I didn’t like a movie or don’t like some band’s music then it’s my fault because my tastes are uncultured or my faculties are simply incapable of understanding the finer underlying nuances the genius of the week has created.  Well, this may be true, but I still hate it and thank my lucky charms that I’m not clever enough to worship the scintillating compositional MAD SKILLZ of Eminem.  All that aside, anyone who doesn’t like the new Drunk Driver’s album Chillin’ is a chubby chasing pedophile who prefers water to whisky.  I’m serious.  If you don’t like it, then it means you like fucking little fat boys while in an absolute state of sobriety, and therefore, due to this abhorrent sexuality, you should be dragged through the streets of your home town and flogged with skunk carcasses.  You make me sick!  I wish you people would gather the courage to take your own lives. The riffs on Chillin’ are as infectious as Captain Tripps, and vocalist, Clint Lipps, may well be the best full throated male vocalist in rock today.  Musically, you should envision some drunken collision of the Pixies, Nirvana, and AC/DC to get an idea of the music which can drip with equal parts emotion and humor simultaneously.  It’s a long lost art, Rock and Roll without pretension.  The Drunk Drivers are practitioners of this art.