Review: Falconer

“Chapters from a Vale Forlorn”
(Metal Blade)

Heart felt music, high alto vocals, power chords aplenty, noncomplacent semi-pagan lyrics, a series of guest musicians sporting flutes, violins, pianos and organs and better than average song writing skills doesn’t make Falconer a totally striking and refreshing band but it does make them somewhat striking and a touch refreshing and what more do you want from a Metal Blade release, rubber biscuit? Do you like drinking your blood red wine from a chalice whilst donning cat skin leather gloves?  Do you prefer a pair of well-fitting tights to a pair of Levi jeans?  Romping through the forest to strolling down the avenue? Providing you like heavy metal to begin with and answered yes to any of the three questions above then it might be safe to say you are the kind of person who would madly clutch your monumental erection while fingering your pink distended anus in pure mad Wiccan glee as you dance the jig of merry mirth to the lovely refrains of Falconer. If you don’t like heavy metal and answered no to all the above questions then you can just dance about in silence as you firmly grip your glorious boner in hand and probe deep the dank depths of your nether eye.